Just like with my state rankings (which I'm taking a brief interlude from to post this) I am not the only person to rank terrible Halloween costumes. Websites have done these sort of lists of years and years. However, I haven't bothered to see if anyone has made an updated "2016" version of this list for the latest batch of inane things causing a cancer on pop culture. It's quite possible other people have, but you should ignore those because my ranks are obviously superior.
There are tons of other bad costumes out there. Especially bad "sexy" costumes of things that inherently aren't sexy. You'll see from this list plenty of examples of those. But there are inappropriately "sexy" Ninja Turtles, Pikachus, and Native American girls (sexist AND racist!) every year. This is really more about the zeitgeist that is right here and right now. And two years from now people will look at these costumes and either be like, "Uhhh, what the hell was that all about?" or "Oh yeah, I kind of remember that. Why was that supposed to be funny?"
10. "Sexy" Hamilton
Because I'm not made of money, I never got to see the Hamilton play while Lin-Manuel Miranda was doing it on Broadway. From what I understand, it was apparently super awesome. So without knocking the play at all - let's just focus on how stupid this costume is. Why does Alexander Hamilton need to be a sexy girl? And it says a lot about our culture that nobody gave a crap about Alexander Hamilton until we made an easy-to-consume rapping pop culture play about him. Have you bothered to even read The Federalist Papers? Until this year, the most anyone knew about Hamilton was probably from those "Aaron Burr" Got Milk? commercials. They actually (stupidly) planned to take him off the $10 bill until this year when the popularity of the play made the Treasury Department reverse their position and decide to wisely ditch Jackson on the $20 instead. And while the play might be good, it's enormous popularity will undoubtedly be a fad that will soon fade away. Then you're stuck with a sexy colonial outfit that has no purpose. Sure, you could give it to a Tea Party supporter, but I doubt anyone in the Tea Party could fit into it because they're all 400lb Walmart people.
9. Kim Kardashian Robbery Victim
Part of me actually doesn't hate this idea. It's kind of funny in a lot of ways. The Kardashians are all human waste. The fact that Kim was held at gunpoint and robbed isn't tragic. It's hilarious. I wish for terrible things to happen to all of these people. The fact that this is America's cultural export and what others think of when they think of America sickens me. I have no problem with a costume being offensive. There is no such thing as a costume going "too far." But the reason why I still can't get behind this is simply because it is still Kim Kardashian. Is it making fun of her? Yes. It is tasteless and politically incorrect? Yes. I like that. But even though it's laughing at her instead of with her... the fact that people deem this worthy of a costume means that she is still a thing. I can't wait for the Kardashians to no longer be a thing. Their 15 minutes should have been up about 7 years ago. We never had to put up with Paris Hilton for this long. Can't we send the entire Kardashian Klan to ISIL and get it over with? Kanye is obviously included in this as well.
8. "Sexy "Lady Deadpool
I have no problem with gender-swapping costumes. But quite often when gender swapping we get the needless "sexy"element added. Why does Lady Deadpool need stockings that go up to her cooch? And why is the rest of this costume so terrible in general? And Sexy Lady Deadpool counts as a "2016" thing because the movie was so big and Deadpool's notability among the general public has never been higher (despite the character being a cult favorite for years). Compare this with a Harley Quinn costume. Will the Margot Robbie-esque Harley Quinn costume be completely overdone in 2016 because of the Suicide Squad movie? Yes, it will. But Harley Quinn is still an AWESOME costume because it's visually interesting and the character was already inherently supposed to be sexy. And people have been doing Harley Quinn costumes for years, so despite the spike of them this year it's pretty popular in general and will continue to be so in the future. While a creative Lady Deadpool gender swap costume might be perfectly fine, "Sexy" Lady Deadpool is just trying too hard and chances are nobody will care in a year.
7. Snapchat Filter
I can't believe Snapchat is still a thing. This might just be because I'm old. I know I'm old because I heard all this stuff about Snapchat - so I downloaded it and then found myself completely unable to figure out how it works or use it. With regard to Snapchat, I'm pretty much just that old man yelling at kids to stop listening to rap and get off his lawn. I'm Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino (or Clint Eastwood in real life these days, actually). Why hasn't Snapchat gone the way of MySpace yet? Especially after Instagram added their "Stories" video thing. And why do people do these stupid filters? Don't they realize how annoying they are? In the three minutes of my entire life I dedicated to trying to understand Snapchat, I played with the filters. They were stupid and three minutes is all I needed to be completely bored. Who wants to be dogs or bees or pandas or toast or someone who pukes out rainbows? This costume should take a hint from the thing that inspired it, and completely disappear from the earth after 24 hours.
6. Emoji Poop
And speaking of social media trends, Emojis have been around for quite a while but something has happened in the last few years where they've begun to replace language. It's like we're devolving into having a version of hieroglyphics but for stupid people. What will future archeologists think of us when they uncover all of these Emoji Halloween costumes, purses, T-shirts, throw pillows, key chains, shoes, slippers, necklaces, jewelry, coffee mugs, thermoses, smartphone covers, ties, socks, Chia pets, buttons, book bags, fridge magnets, stickers, watches, wristbands, artificial fingernails, pajamas, and so on. How the hell did that 100 with little lines under it (which I'm sure was designed by the Japanese to represent the lowest acceptable classroom test score) come to mean "keeping it real?" And why is that poop so popular? Who wants to be poop for Halloween? And Emoji poop at that.
5. "Sexy" Harambe
There are a couple of things wrong with this one. First - we have the unnecessary "sexy" thing again. Does that mean if it was simply a man wearing a gorilla costume with bullet holes in it that it would be better? Well yeah, actually it would be a little better - but still not good. Like I said, I really don't care if a costume is offensive or "strikes a nerve." I actually enjoy that a little. No, the greatest sin with the Harambe costume - whether it be "sexy"or not - is that it's not even original. This EXACT SAME costume happened in 2015 with Cecil the Lion. Did you forget about Cecil the Lion and the fact that a bunch of people did lion costumes with bullet holes in them a year ago? It's quite likely you did forget - just like you'll forget about Harambe in another year too. The only people who didn't forget were the ones who lazily re-purposed last year's offensive idea to be this year's offensive idea. I wonder what the famous meme dead animal will be for 2018... because you know there will be one.
4. Any Trump Costume
Look, mixing politics and Halloween is unavoidable as Congress has set in law the fact that Election Day will always be the Tuesday following the first Monday in November (i.e. always between November 2 and 8). Every two years there are federal elections and every four years there are Presidential elections. For some states there are even odd year-based local elections, meaning that they'll have some form of election just after Halloween every year. At the very least, every 4 years Halloween will be hijacked by politics. 2016 is one of those years. And doing something political for Halloween will always be stupid. But, of all the Halloween politics options that I'll list here - Donald Trump will be the least awful because in a way he's the most appropriate politician to be a Halloween costume that there ever was. He is already sort of a cartoon or caricature of a real human being. But just because he's the least worst doesn't mean it's a good idea. The awful ideas out there for Trump range from this racist-ey one above, to fairly run-of-the-mill bad wigs and suits for White men, to... yes... "sexy" Donald Trump (sigh).
3. "Sexy" Hillary Clinton
OMG WHY?! Like several others already featured on this list, this costume is also skating around its subject with a vague name - they're technically claiming it's just a "Capitol Hill" costume. Like they're trying to avoid being sued or something. I'm pretty sure that they're already protected under parody laws, but then again this isn't exactly quality parody. It's parody in the way that those "____ Movies" are parody (Epic Movie, Date Movie, Disaster Movie - you know, all those terrible things that aren't funny). This is worse than Trump because, again, at least Trump is effigy-worthy. This is just taking an already-female politician and doing the "sexy twist" on it, which is kind of more condescending than doing the whole gender swap thing.
2. "Sexy" Ken Bone
I repeat again - political costumes are the worst. And this is the worst of the bunch because it hits the double-whammy of being both political and an internet meme. How much more of costume for a short attention span can you get than this? Nobody will remember who this is in three months, let alone next Halloween or three Halloweens from now. There is a good chance most people won't even get this costume right now. If you're at a Halloween party wearing this, expect to be asked what the hell your costume is by everyone. AND STOP MAKING EVERYTHING SEXY!!!
1. This Gods of Egypt Costume
This costume exists for some reason. Nobody saw this movie. Do you remember that this movie even came out? It starred a bunch of white people as Egyptians and made bout $14 at the box office. If you did hear about this movie, its probably because you heard about the fact that many people were outraged over the fact that it just starred a bunch of white people as Egyptians. Could you technically just claim you were dressing up as Egyptian god Anubis by wearing this costume - rather than the specific whitewashed Anubis from this terrible film that bombed? I suppose so. And like with the "Capitol Hill" costume, it's sold under a vague name that doesn't specifically reference the movie. But come on, this is clearly meant to be a costume representing that awful movie. And who wears a costume so they can be a character from a terrible movie that bombed? Did anyone in 2002 wear Pluto Nash costumes? Did anyone in 1995 wear Cutthroat Island costumes? Were the kids of 1991 pushing each other in lines to make sure they were the first to get Hudson Hawk costumes? Of course not, so if you're planning on wearing a costume for a movie that instantly goes into the Walmart $4.99 bin... maybe you should think again and go with Donald Trump as a taco instead.
There are tons of other bad costumes out there. Especially bad "sexy" costumes of things that inherently aren't sexy. You'll see from this list plenty of examples of those. But there are inappropriately "sexy" Ninja Turtles, Pikachus, and Native American girls (sexist AND racist!) every year. This is really more about the zeitgeist that is right here and right now. And two years from now people will look at these costumes and either be like, "Uhhh, what the hell was that all about?" or "Oh yeah, I kind of remember that. Why was that supposed to be funny?"
Because I'm not made of money, I never got to see the Hamilton play while Lin-Manuel Miranda was doing it on Broadway. From what I understand, it was apparently super awesome. So without knocking the play at all - let's just focus on how stupid this costume is. Why does Alexander Hamilton need to be a sexy girl? And it says a lot about our culture that nobody gave a crap about Alexander Hamilton until we made an easy-to-consume rapping pop culture play about him. Have you bothered to even read The Federalist Papers? Until this year, the most anyone knew about Hamilton was probably from those "Aaron Burr" Got Milk? commercials. They actually (stupidly) planned to take him off the $10 bill until this year when the popularity of the play made the Treasury Department reverse their position and decide to wisely ditch Jackson on the $20 instead. And while the play might be good, it's enormous popularity will undoubtedly be a fad that will soon fade away. Then you're stuck with a sexy colonial outfit that has no purpose. Sure, you could give it to a Tea Party supporter, but I doubt anyone in the Tea Party could fit into it because they're all 400lb Walmart people.
Part of me actually doesn't hate this idea. It's kind of funny in a lot of ways. The Kardashians are all human waste. The fact that Kim was held at gunpoint and robbed isn't tragic. It's hilarious. I wish for terrible things to happen to all of these people. The fact that this is America's cultural export and what others think of when they think of America sickens me. I have no problem with a costume being offensive. There is no such thing as a costume going "too far." But the reason why I still can't get behind this is simply because it is still Kim Kardashian. Is it making fun of her? Yes. It is tasteless and politically incorrect? Yes. I like that. But even though it's laughing at her instead of with her... the fact that people deem this worthy of a costume means that she is still a thing. I can't wait for the Kardashians to no longer be a thing. Their 15 minutes should have been up about 7 years ago. We never had to put up with Paris Hilton for this long. Can't we send the entire Kardashian Klan to ISIL and get it over with? Kanye is obviously included in this as well.
I have no problem with gender-swapping costumes. But quite often when gender swapping we get the needless "sexy"element added. Why does Lady Deadpool need stockings that go up to her cooch? And why is the rest of this costume so terrible in general? And Sexy Lady Deadpool counts as a "2016" thing because the movie was so big and Deadpool's notability among the general public has never been higher (despite the character being a cult favorite for years). Compare this with a Harley Quinn costume. Will the Margot Robbie-esque Harley Quinn costume be completely overdone in 2016 because of the Suicide Squad movie? Yes, it will. But Harley Quinn is still an AWESOME costume because it's visually interesting and the character was already inherently supposed to be sexy. And people have been doing Harley Quinn costumes for years, so despite the spike of them this year it's pretty popular in general and will continue to be so in the future. While a creative Lady Deadpool gender swap costume might be perfectly fine, "Sexy" Lady Deadpool is just trying too hard and chances are nobody will care in a year.
I can't believe Snapchat is still a thing. This might just be because I'm old. I know I'm old because I heard all this stuff about Snapchat - so I downloaded it and then found myself completely unable to figure out how it works or use it. With regard to Snapchat, I'm pretty much just that old man yelling at kids to stop listening to rap and get off his lawn. I'm Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino (or Clint Eastwood in real life these days, actually). Why hasn't Snapchat gone the way of MySpace yet? Especially after Instagram added their "Stories" video thing. And why do people do these stupid filters? Don't they realize how annoying they are? In the three minutes of my entire life I dedicated to trying to understand Snapchat, I played with the filters. They were stupid and three minutes is all I needed to be completely bored. Who wants to be dogs or bees or pandas or toast or someone who pukes out rainbows? This costume should take a hint from the thing that inspired it, and completely disappear from the earth after 24 hours.
And speaking of social media trends, Emojis have been around for quite a while but something has happened in the last few years where they've begun to replace language. It's like we're devolving into having a version of hieroglyphics but for stupid people. What will future archeologists think of us when they uncover all of these Emoji Halloween costumes, purses, T-shirts, throw pillows, key chains, shoes, slippers, necklaces, jewelry, coffee mugs, thermoses, smartphone covers, ties, socks, Chia pets, buttons, book bags, fridge magnets, stickers, watches, wristbands, artificial fingernails, pajamas, and so on. How the hell did that 100 with little lines under it (which I'm sure was designed by the Japanese to represent the lowest acceptable classroom test score) come to mean "keeping it real?" And why is that poop so popular? Who wants to be poop for Halloween? And Emoji poop at that.
There are a couple of things wrong with this one. First - we have the unnecessary "sexy" thing again. Does that mean if it was simply a man wearing a gorilla costume with bullet holes in it that it would be better? Well yeah, actually it would be a little better - but still not good. Like I said, I really don't care if a costume is offensive or "strikes a nerve." I actually enjoy that a little. No, the greatest sin with the Harambe costume - whether it be "sexy"or not - is that it's not even original. This EXACT SAME costume happened in 2015 with Cecil the Lion. Did you forget about Cecil the Lion and the fact that a bunch of people did lion costumes with bullet holes in them a year ago? It's quite likely you did forget - just like you'll forget about Harambe in another year too. The only people who didn't forget were the ones who lazily re-purposed last year's offensive idea to be this year's offensive idea. I wonder what the famous meme dead animal will be for 2018... because you know there will be one.
Look, mixing politics and Halloween is unavoidable as Congress has set in law the fact that Election Day will always be the Tuesday following the first Monday in November (i.e. always between November 2 and 8). Every two years there are federal elections and every four years there are Presidential elections. For some states there are even odd year-based local elections, meaning that they'll have some form of election just after Halloween every year. At the very least, every 4 years Halloween will be hijacked by politics. 2016 is one of those years. And doing something political for Halloween will always be stupid. But, of all the Halloween politics options that I'll list here - Donald Trump will be the least awful because in a way he's the most appropriate politician to be a Halloween costume that there ever was. He is already sort of a cartoon or caricature of a real human being. But just because he's the least worst doesn't mean it's a good idea. The awful ideas out there for Trump range from this racist-ey one above, to fairly run-of-the-mill bad wigs and suits for White men, to... yes... "sexy" Donald Trump (sigh).
OMG WHY?! Like several others already featured on this list, this costume is also skating around its subject with a vague name - they're technically claiming it's just a "Capitol Hill" costume. Like they're trying to avoid being sued or something. I'm pretty sure that they're already protected under parody laws, but then again this isn't exactly quality parody. It's parody in the way that those "____ Movies" are parody (Epic Movie, Date Movie, Disaster Movie - you know, all those terrible things that aren't funny). This is worse than Trump because, again, at least Trump is effigy-worthy. This is just taking an already-female politician and doing the "sexy twist" on it, which is kind of more condescending than doing the whole gender swap thing.
I repeat again - political costumes are the worst. And this is the worst of the bunch because it hits the double-whammy of being both political and an internet meme. How much more of costume for a short attention span can you get than this? Nobody will remember who this is in three months, let alone next Halloween or three Halloweens from now. There is a good chance most people won't even get this costume right now. If you're at a Halloween party wearing this, expect to be asked what the hell your costume is by everyone. AND STOP MAKING EVERYTHING SEXY!!!
This costume exists for some reason. Nobody saw this movie. Do you remember that this movie even came out? It starred a bunch of white people as Egyptians and made bout $14 at the box office. If you did hear about this movie, its probably because you heard about the fact that many people were outraged over the fact that it just starred a bunch of white people as Egyptians. Could you technically just claim you were dressing up as Egyptian god Anubis by wearing this costume - rather than the specific whitewashed Anubis from this terrible film that bombed? I suppose so. And like with the "Capitol Hill" costume, it's sold under a vague name that doesn't specifically reference the movie. But come on, this is clearly meant to be a costume representing that awful movie. And who wears a costume so they can be a character from a terrible movie that bombed? Did anyone in 2002 wear Pluto Nash costumes? Did anyone in 1995 wear Cutthroat Island costumes? Were the kids of 1991 pushing each other in lines to make sure they were the first to get Hudson Hawk costumes? Of course not, so if you're planning on wearing a costume for a movie that instantly goes into the Walmart $4.99 bin... maybe you should think again and go with Donald Trump as a taco instead.
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