Ed Ranks the 1985 Transformers Toy Catalogue

Autobots

36. Whirl & Roadbuster - These supposedly "deluxe" Autobots were garbage toys for characters not even featured in the cartoon.
35. Topspin & Twin Twist - Also boring non-featured characters, but at least their spring-loading automatic transformation gimmick was a gimmick.
34. Ratchet - GOOD GOD Ratchet and Ironhide. For such important characters in the cartoon... what the hell did they do to your toys?
33. Ironhide - As above. WHERE IS YOUR FACE?
32. Windcharger - The Autobot "Mini-Vehicles" were all cheap trash stocking stuffers. Very few of these guys actually were either important enough on the show or had anything cool about their toy that makes them stand out.
31. Huffer - Sorry Huffer, nobody cares about you.
30. Gears - Gears is so unimportant that by the time the movie came around he wasn't even important enough to kill off.
29. Brawn - A robot with the same hairdo as Murderface from Metalocalypse.
28. Beachcomber - Riddle! What's blue and white and insignificant? Beachcomber.
27. Warpath - It just seemed like this character was just making fun of people with Turrets syndrome.
26. Powerglide - The Girl Who Loved Powerglide is essentially the episode where the Transformers writers officially gave up on putting any work into the show because they were too busy on pre-production for the movie.
25. Grapple - Just a copy of Inferno.
24. Hoist - Moist, I mean Hoist, is just a copy of Trailbreaker.
23. Skids - Skids isn't a copy of anyone. He's just lame.

We used the funds that were supposed to go to buy firetrucks
on this Lamborghini instead. Now everyone will burn alive.

22. Red Alert - Just a copy of Sideswipe. And you already had a cop car with Prowl. Do we really need a fire department car? And what fire department has a  Lamborghini Countach? That is a department rife with corruption and embezzlement. 
21. Smokescreen - Just a copy of Prowl.
20. Bluestreak - Just a copy of Prowl. And he's not even blue.
19. Tracks - Cool toy & design. Lame personality in the cartoon knocks him down.
18. Seaspray - One of the few unique Mini-Vehicles cool enough to rank higher than a number of the "Autobot Cars" toyline. Albeit he's mostly ranking over the copy/repaints.
17. Cliffjumper - Another Mini-Vehicle who is elevated. Even though he's largely just a slight variation on a Bumblebee repaint, his cartoon personality bumps him up.
16. Inferno - A firetruck. Okay. That's noble, I suppose.
15. Trailbreaker - A bottom tier Season 1 toy/character, but the toy was cool.
14. Cosmos - A Mini-Vehicle that is just awesome. HE'S A UFO!!!
13. Sunstreaker - Boy, the people making this toy line sure did like Lamborghini Countaches.
12. Bumblebee - the highest ranking Mini-Vehicle. This guy is awesome.
11. Mirage - Sweet Formula 1 car
10. Sideswipe - The king of the 873 different Lamborghini Countaches in the toyline.
9. Hound - Awesome jeep. From back when Jeeps were still green military vehicles and not hideous SUVs.
8. Blaster - Not as cool as Soundwave. But then again, who is?
7. Perceptor - Science is sexy.
6. Prowl - The best of the many Datsun 280ZX Turbos. If only the windshield and roof didn't always break off on this damn toy. Don't lie, you know you broke yours off too.
5. Wheeljack - Before Perceptor started stealing his "I'm the science nerd" gimmick - Wheeljack was the go-to Autobot genius. Plus he was a Lancia Stratos Turbo, which makes him a million times better than a damn microscope.
5. Jazz - Awesome Porsche 935 Turbo toy. Awesome character in the cartoon.

4. The Dinobots - I'm just going to throw all of these guys together. They're all amazing and your heart was filled with happiness if you got any one of these five lovely toys. Although, of the five, Grimlock is obviously the best.
3. Jetfire - What the hell is this Robotech/Macross toy doing in a Transformers toyline and why does his toy have a different name than the cartoon character (Skyfire)? These are great questions, but I don't have an answer. He's giant and badass though.
2. Omega Supreme - Did your parents get you an Omega Supreme toy in 1985? If not, that means they didn't really love you.
1. Optimus Prime - Obviously.

Decepticons

16. Deluxe Insecticons - The Transformers toyline liked to add the word "Deluxe" in front of mediocre toys to try to sell them. These "deluxe" Insecticons were vastly inferior to the regular Insecticons, and never even featured in the cartoon.
15. Dirge - the least interesting of the three "coneheads," who were just Starscream/Seeker redecos.
14. Thrust - The mid-level conehead, who had cool wings at least.
13. Ramjet - the most important of the three coneheads. Although there is no difference in the body of the coneheads and the original seekers since all you had to do is not put the cone down and your normal seeker was a conehead.
12. Insecticons - these toys, toys were much better, better than the deluxe ones, ones.
11. Bliztwing - The other triple changer who isn't Astrotrain.
10. Frenzy & Laserbeak - These cassettes came as a two pack, and you had to get these to make Soundwave as boss as he could be.
9. Ravage & Rumble - Same as above, but ranking higher based on the awesomeness of Ravage. Too bad they could never figure out Rumble and Frenzy's colors.
8. Thundercracker - This seeker was just a Starscream repaint, but still cool.
7. Skywarp - Ditto, but with the coolest color scheme of them all. 
6. Astrotrain - Awesome Triple-Changer. Space Shuttle and Train? I need this vehicle in my life.
5. Shockwave - Giant laser space gun. You know you wanted him.
4. The Constructicons - These guys are grouped together because if you were given just one or a few of them, but not all, then it was a cruel and malicious joke played on you. But together... Devastator. Yesssss!

3. Starscream - He will be the leader soon. I just know it.

2. Soundwave (with Buzzsaw) - This guy was so awesome that it makes me nostalgic for cassette

tapes.
1. Megatron - This Walther P-38 pistol toy was so awesome that it's now illegal. You could absolutely rob a liquor store with this guy and it looked legit.