8. Mercury
Mercury is just too damn close to the sun. It reaches temperatures of around 700 K (427 °C; 800 °F). And a year there is only 88 days. What is wrong with you Mercury? Get your shit together.
7. Venus
You'd think a planet named after a sexy goddess of beauty and fornication would be cooler. Unfortunately its atmospheric pressure at the surface is about 92 times that of Earth's, meaning that if you visited Venus you'd totally be crushed to death by gravity. Satellites that the Russians sent to Venus were totally destroyed in 20 to 120 minutes. No thanks.
6. Neptune
Now that poor Pluto has been demoted and is no longer a planet, Neptune is the one furthest out. And it's just a big blue gas ball of boring. Plus a Neptune year is 164.8 Earth years long. Which means it would take FOREVER between birthday parties.
5. Uranus
Hehehe, Uranus.
4. Saturn
Saturn and Jupiter are both gas giants, and although Saturn isn't as big as Jupiter it at least has that awesome cool ring around it. That's worth something, right? Plus it has the moon of Titan, which is larger than crappy Mercury and also has its own atmosphere.
3. Jupiter
Jupiter is the biggest planet in the solar system, so it's got that going for it. It also has that "eye" which is a storm that's been raging on it for thousands of years. I guess the only downside is that it, like the other gas giants, are just big balls of gas so you can't really visit them.
2. Mars
We're totally going to colonize Mars one day, so you better get used to Mars. Mars is a floating rock in space so we can actually go to it unlike the gas giants. And unlike super hot Mercury or crushing pressure Venus, we might actually want to go. A little terraforming would be in order though. The only challenge - we do not want to piss off the Martians.
1. Earth
Earth has water, vegetation, life and all that other great stuff that other planets don't have. It's a shame mankind is going to totally destroy it all. Oh well, better get working on that Mars colonization soon.
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| Too damn hot |
Mercury is just too damn close to the sun. It reaches temperatures of around 700 K (427 °C; 800 °F). And a year there is only 88 days. What is wrong with you Mercury? Get your shit together.
7. Venus
You'd think a planet named after a sexy goddess of beauty and fornication would be cooler. Unfortunately its atmospheric pressure at the surface is about 92 times that of Earth's, meaning that if you visited Venus you'd totally be crushed to death by gravity. Satellites that the Russians sent to Venus were totally destroyed in 20 to 120 minutes. No thanks.
6. Neptune
Now that poor Pluto has been demoted and is no longer a planet, Neptune is the one furthest out. And it's just a big blue gas ball of boring. Plus a Neptune year is 164.8 Earth years long. Which means it would take FOREVER between birthday parties.
5. Uranus
Hehehe, Uranus.
4. SaturnSaturn and Jupiter are both gas giants, and although Saturn isn't as big as Jupiter it at least has that awesome cool ring around it. That's worth something, right? Plus it has the moon of Titan, which is larger than crappy Mercury and also has its own atmosphere.
3. Jupiter
Jupiter is the biggest planet in the solar system, so it's got that going for it. It also has that "eye" which is a storm that's been raging on it for thousands of years. I guess the only downside is that it, like the other gas giants, are just big balls of gas so you can't really visit them.
2. Mars
We're totally going to colonize Mars one day, so you better get used to Mars. Mars is a floating rock in space so we can actually go to it unlike the gas giants. And unlike super hot Mercury or crushing pressure Venus, we might actually want to go. A little terraforming would be in order though. The only challenge - we do not want to piss off the Martians.
1. Earth
Earth has water, vegetation, life and all that other great stuff that other planets don't have. It's a shame mankind is going to totally destroy it all. Oh well, better get working on that Mars colonization soon.
The pro Venus party would like to remind you of the retrograde orbit, double polar vortex, and dumb reminder of global warming.
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